Beginning work on the mural project

I am creating a small scale model of the mural project in order to work out some engineering issues. Also, I expected a few surprises when I got it off the screen and into 3D space...and I got them! A few logistics to work out, but here's a peak at the way the shapes will be working together.

New Large Scale Commission Project Approved!

I have a new large scale commission project that just got approved. So I began work on it this week. Which means...running all over LA picking up supplies. It's a glamorous life…sometimes :)

Inspired by a Lack of Inspiration

Sometimes I still fall into the trap of romanticizing my idea of being an “artist.” Living from mindblowing inspiration to inspiration. Getting struck by an idea, sitting down, and cranking it out. It's all so magical and effortless in my mind.  

Yet I find that to be the exception and not the rule. 

The past few weeks I’ve been uninspired. Balled up like a pile of lint.

Yet somehow my productivity has been unaffected. The longer I make art, the more it becomes clear that my feelings about my work are unrelated to the quality or quantity of what I do.

My art happens in spite of me.

I needed something new for an upcoming event. So I sat down with a blank screen, a blank canvas, some plexiglass, and my library of photos. 

I remembered a songwriter telling me once that he never suffered from writers’ block because he’d just write a song about it. I thought that was brilliant. And it stuck with me.

So I decided to make a piece that was inspired by a lack of inspiration.

And it worked.

Like it does every time.

Lately existential questions have reared their heads once again. What really matters? And my usual answers haven’t sufficed. 

Something happened. Something changed. What exactly? Me. While I wasn’t looking. Now I’m trying to catch up with myself.

People say we don’t change, but I believe if we’re living right, we do strip away layers of ourselves we've piled on for protection. And as those layers disappear, our views, beliefs and motivations evolve.

It’s like I walked into a big room where no one turned on the light yet. It’s still dark, but I have a sense that the walls are further away than they were. My shuffling feet echo. It’s colder. Refreshing. But since it's still dark in there, I have no idea where I am or what’s in the room. 

Sometimes I have to step out of the game to get some perspective. Find a new entry point. A better one. That’s me today. Watching from the sidelines, assessing, setting up my next move. 

And I’m painting my way through it.

Patterns, art, and the solution to all life's problems

My bag of childhood memories mainly consists of the typical variety…a few heartbreaks, a couple key successes, failures, a bunch of “firsts” (first kiss, first love, etc.) and a few outliers. As I was working on new art for my “Overthrow the Quo” exhibit, one of those outliers popped into mind as particularly relevant. The work in progress photo above (you can see the final piece here), features a background pattern.

While I was making it, I got to thinking about patterns and why I'm attracted to them. Then I flashed on a memory of my father handing me the owners manual for his brand new 1979 black BMW 733i. We always had enough money to eat and houses to live in, but I don’t remember any extra cash for indulgences. My father was commuting over 2 hours a day at the time and needed a car that was comfortable and he could count on. In 1979, most autos still weren’t all that reliable. He handed me the manual and asked me to figure out how the dial worked for the air conditioner. I scoured the page. I thought long and hard. I analyzed which direction the arrows pointed on the dial, and how that affected which vents the air flow came out of.

Eventually I figured out, as you turned the dial downward, the air would come out the lower vents by your feet. My feathers plumed as I explained my discovery to my father. He seemed moderately impressed, and said thank you, but didn’t gush as much as I'd hoped. That’s when I realized he probably never really needed my help at all. He just thought it’d be a good exercise for me. He was right. Still proud, feeling smart, and slightly disappointed, the event sparked an interest in pattern recognition for me which has lasted a good part of my life. And it serves me in almost everything I do.

Music is built on patterns.

Art. 

Patterns.

Trying to understand physics and the universe I live in. 

Patterns.

Relationships. Driving. Computer programming. 

Patterns.

My thoughts and behaviors...the big two.

Patterns.

Recognizing and applying patterns. That's how I store information. That's how I learn. If I want to make a change or alter the course of my life, my success entirely depends on whether or not I can recognize and address the pattern of thinking that got me there.

All of the artwork in this series is about recognizing and questioning my patterns of thinking whether it relates to me personally, or my view of society, politics, and the world we live in.Abandoning autopilot. The complicated deliciousness of self awareness. 

A peak at work in progress for my upcoming show

I don't always have much work in progress to share, since my process all comes together right at the last minute, but I have one today. A sneak peak at my show coming up at Fabrik Projects in Los Angeles. Opens Jan. 5.

One of My Favorite Tom Waits Songs (...and a confession)

I took a break while waiting for a coat of varnish to dry on a piece for my upcoming show at Fabrik Projects in Culver City, CA to play one of my favorite Tom Waits songs...and confess why I haven't posted an update in awhile.

I Keep Thinking I Should Stop Thinking

Emerging Artist Rob Grad Mixed Media

I studied Buddhism when I was younger and was always fascinated by the Buddhist koans. Short poems made to short circuit the logical mind and open an opportunity to experience an enlightened state. Much of my interest in music and art stems from this same idea.

Essentially to bypass the gatekeeper in my head. This piece is from a new series in progress. I'm still working out exactly where it's going. This is the my favorite part of the process. There is a path ahead, but I'm not sure where it's exactly going yet.

What's Missing Isn't Missing

There’s something missing
This isn’t right
Something feels off
I need to fix this

Common thoughts
Annoying, yes.
But it’s missing pieces
That fuel my ambition
To move forward
To grow
And change

Nature hates a void
It strives to fill it
Yet most of the time
I find
What’s missing isn’t missing
It hasn’t escaped
Run away
Or slipped through my fingers
I didn’t miss a boat
Or get left out of the game

Every life is as unique
As the person living it
The rules are simple
But not easy

If I want somethingI have to do it
But don’t “do" too hard
Or it’ll get undone
If I’m afraid of something
It’s probably the doorway out
Of where I admIt’s better to do it
At least to see what’s on the other side
It may feel like stepping off a cliff
Or walking in front of a bus
But as long as I'm not actually
Stepping off a cliff
Or walking in front of a bus
The solution applies

What’s missing
Isn’t a set of rules
Or instructions
A lost identity
Or a magic pill
It’s just lying in the dark
Packed away
Waiting to be rediscovered
Or possibly
Discovered
For the first time
Although usually it's more like a remembering
Than an introduction

If you can’t find it now
Keep looking
It most likely
Isn’t missing
But requires a certain version of you
To recognize it
And that version of you
You don’t recognize as you yet
Simple, right?

Think big
Because the game is rigged
In your favor  

Stephen Colbert - The Originalist

I created this piece of art as a tribute to one of my favorite comedians, and host of two of my favorite shows, "The Colbert Report" and "Late Night with Stephen Colbert." I used roofing cement, chewed bubblegum, acrylic paint, plexiglass and 8 pints of his Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, Americone Dream. He truly is "The Originalist." Cheers Stephen! You're making a difference in this world.  

A Birthday Vigil

My birthday is over
My special day
Passed
Signed off
And filed in a drawer
With the others
As the years pass
My cabinet is getting more full
Watching fireworks at Disneyland
A surprise party at my parents house
A concert my band performed in Chicago
The song my wife wrote and sang to me in the mountains

Each one a special kind of special
Completely different
With one thing in common

A reluctance to let it go

I don’t make a big deal of birthdays
But I take the time
To do what I want
And step away
For me, a birthday is freedom
A crack in the sidewalk
Noticed as I pass by
To remind me the distance I’ve covered
And how far I still have to go

Hopefully

But If every day was my birthday
I’d never get anything done
I’d get bored
So I’d start doing some stuff
And then some more
Eventually, my life would look a lot like it does today
I understand that this is natural
I learned a long time ago
Not to fight nature
It’a a better collaborator
Than adversary
You can reroute a river by digging a trench
But to stop it completely requires a dam
And even then
Water pools up
You have to do something with it
Or the dam breaks

This is how our lives work
And I got out of the dam building business years ago
These days I dig trenches
So today I woke up
And did what I know how to do
I grabbed my shovel and started digging  

I should feel more (or less)

Lying on the beach
Under the sun
Breathing
Feeling
Just letting its rays
Have their way with me
Maybe a gentle breeze
To keep me cool
While I’m being warmed on the inside

Nowhere to be
No one to answer to

Ahhhh…A moment like this
Only happens in my mind
Because if I were actually lying there
I would be too hot
Or too cold
Sand would blow in my mouth
Or someone would be talking too loud
A little too close
About things I disagree with
Or feel are unimportant
Or my thinking machine
Would take over
Crashing the party
Telling me
“Stop.”
“Enjoy.”
“Now.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Why do I feel like this?”
“It’s so nice here.”
“I should feel better.”
“I should feel more."
“I should feel less."

I’d somehow focus
On the sideshow
And miss outOn the beauty
Of my perfect moment
Not to say it’s never happened

A real moment
Undisturbed by my
Inability to fully appreciate it
I know how it feels
I’ve been there
But I have to admit
It’s more rare than I’d like
Not to say it’s not worth trying 

Nothing's Wrong-ish

Rob Grad artist blog

I keep catching myself thinking
I want nothing wrong
I want days with smooth edges
And no complications
But the truth is
If I really want nothing wrong
Then I have to imagine it
Because life doesn’t work that way
Its' perfection lies elsewhere

In the bizarre contradictions
Of lessons learned
Wisdom gained
And the love I allow myself to feel
It lies in the evolution of how I see myself
And the world around me
Through time

These things are harder to appreciate
Than good news
Or a check in the mail

This kind of perfection
Is more like standing on a cliff
With a beautiful view
Almost instantly forgetting
That five minutes ago
I was on a steep trail
Not knowing where it was going to end
Or how much further I had to go
Dying of thirst
Because I didn’t bring enough water
Starving because I ran out to food
Thinking I was about to pass out
Gasping for air
Wondering if my legs were going to collapse
From sheer exhaustion
Thinking "This is too long"
"This is too hard”
“I’m an idiot for even trying"
“This better be worth it"

It almost always is. 

LA Art Show

In January 2017, I was asked to show at the LA Art Show with Gallery 825 in West Hollywood, CA. It was my first time showing at this particular fair. I showed work from two different series, "With Open Eyes," and "Through a Cloud of Noise." It was a, long, amazing, fun weekend.

The Subtle Art of Heartbreak

Life is smart
It beats me up just enough
To expose what’s under my skin
So I can see better
What I’m really made of
Which is almost always
More than I think
It’s the subtle art of heartbreak
That expands my sense of who I am
When you meet someone new
You can tell
If they don’t really know
If they haven’t been stretched that way
They might be light
Fun
A good person by all measures
But it’s like
They only live in the shallow end of the pool
It’s those who have tasted the gruel
Lost in a duel
And found a way
To stand back up and refuel
That I aspire to understand
Pain sucks
Period.
And I avoid it whenever possible
But I find a certain amount is functional
It tells me where to go
It forges strength that I need
To survive and thrive in this world
The resilience to build something
The humility to stay open
And adjust
The funny thing is
When I give my pain purpose like that
It doesn't hurt so bad
It sort of sits into the tapestry of everything else
And overall, the picture is pretty good
Every great tv show has conflict
Every great movie has drama
Every great conversation has two sides
And every great painting brings something unexpected
The trick is to ride the ride

Where the Magic Happens

Most of our lives are spent in the moments
Between the moments
The large swaths of time
Sandwiched between memories
I’m beginning to think maybe
That’s by design
What if the things that really matter
Happen in between
The things we think really matter?
Experienced meditators
Focus on the space between thoughts
When my grandfather passed away
And then my stepfatherI found myself remembering more
Beige moments
Humdrum lunches
On random Wednesdays
When nothing in particular happened
That’s what I miss the most
Any successes I’ve had
Stemmed from the steady application
Of pressure
Over time
On nondescript days
When no one was looking
Not that one day I signed the record deal
Or that time whenSomeone in a key position
Said they liked something I madeIt’s a hard point of view
To adapt to
We’re trained to chase lightning
News headlines only cover outcomes
Because process is boring
Monotonous
and
Beautiful
Our planet was created over millions of years
And my life is being created over time
Not in a series of isolated moments
But in a large, winding arcNature is slow
And chill
But not afraid to jump
From the darkness like
A horror movie villain
I still need a thrill from time to time
It keeps my attentionLike the news
But it’s generally not where the magic happens 

It's True*

Have you ever believed something
That turned out wasn’t true?
Belief is malleable
Fallable
As more information
Reveals itself
The picture can completely change
I know
Because I’m an artist
My truth changes every day
I draw another line
Or put some red in there
And it’s an entirely different picture
Scientists used to think the world was flat
And the earth was the center of the Universe
My friend Fred thought his girlfriend
Was in love with him
But he just pointed his love
At someone who didn’t exist
Words on a screen
Or from someone’s mouth
Aren't enough
A fake match
Of interpreted facts
That feel “right” to me
Tethered to the wind
With no ground to stand on
Is kind of terrifying
Like I don’t exist
But real freedom can be just that
Terrifying
It doesn’t matter how sure I am
I try to remember
There is a chance
I’m wrong
It’s good to be passionate
But I get suspicious
Of people who claim to know too much
Or seem overly confident
Because even if it turns out
They’re right today
They could be wrong tomorrow
When the next truth
In an eternity of unseen truths
Lying ahead
Rears its head 

Virtual Studio Visit

I get a lot of requests to see more of my studio and my process as my work moves along. Here's a quick tour of my workspace.

How Tends to Work Itself Out

contemporary art drawing

I don’t know what to say
Sometimes I feel so much
It’s overwhelming
And inspiring
But not much bubbles up
No explanations
No images
No songs
No riveting stories to share
Just a sense of where I am
And what I need to do
It’s simple really
Do things I didn’t do before
Because I couldn’t see how
Or why
I still don’t know how
But I know why
And now I know a million things
Not to do
My life is like
A go kart on a track
Wearing a paper bag over my head
With a single pinhole
To seeI drive into the light
Slamming into barriers
Of stacked tires
Until I find forward
If you know why
How tends to work itself out.

Time Moves. And So Do I.

Another month whizzes by
Before you know it
This year will be over
Set to rest
With the rest of them
A catalog of memories
And experiences
Squashed in a file
Somewhere in the folds
Of my brain

What will I say I did?
How will I think it went?
Probably better, the same and worse
Than the last one
In different ways

Time has a way of traveling
Downhill
And uphill
At the same time
It’s a trickster

Physicists say
It doesn’t exist at all

At the speed of light
But I travel slower than that
My hair gets grayer
My body more wrinkled
And my spirit smarter

I’ll take smarts over
Smooth skin
And dark hair
Anytime
If that’s the trade with the universe
I’ll take it
It’s a good trade

I wrote a song once called June
It said

“I found myself
In a gutter by the lake
An empathy shell
Whose shadow led the way “

I wasn’t in a good place
But I found something
During that time
In myself
I didn’t know was there
And it was shiny
And resilient

Time may not technically exist
But I find the illusion helpful

I Gotta Go Back

I wrote this as a companion piece to my solo show "I Got This" at Gallery 825 in Los Angeles. On view until June 1, 2018.

I Gotta Go Back

I gotta go back
Back before I wasn’t sure
Before disappointment got me down
Back before I had questions
And got all confused
Before I thought I understood
Before “normal” happened
When I didn’t have to think about it
I just knew
Knew what I was made of
And what I could do
I gotta go back
Before I believed what I was told
And mislearned what I learned
When my instinct was the undisputed champ
Of my internal world
Before things didn’t work out
Before I got burned
Dumped and churned out for nothing
Before I got screwed up
And unappointed judges cut me down
I admit
I have to go back a long way
Before I knew much about
Pretty much anything
Which left my horizon wide
And I was up for the ride
It’s a bit blurry
But if I close my eyes
And think hard enough
I got this.